The Bitter Sweet Weekly

Gambia’s Lost its Marbles

Tomorrow, around 800,000 Gambians are expected to re-elect Yahya Jammah as their president, an interesting choice to say the least. The close friend of Jermaine Jackson once threatened to cut off the head of gay people in Gambia according to the Guardian. Aside from that he believes he has some kind of healing powers and can cure obesity. Yeah so can I…it’s called salad.

We’re only just getting started too. The self-proclaimed mystic claims he is able to cure AIDS and Erectile Dysfunction. Really he’s creating extra work for himself; if he just stopped curing Erectile Dysfunction then perhaps the mass of AIDS patients will decrease. Considering he can supposedly only cure the deadly disease on Thursdays, he could do with a few less people to deal with.

That being said it seems Jammeh has this election in the bag. I’m just struggling to work out what has made him such a popular candidate since 1995. I suppose it’s possible that it’s his outstanding generosity; the Guardian reported that he has cemented his 17-year reign by dishing out death sentences and gifts. Well it’s safe to say I wouldn’t want to spend Christmas at the Jammeh’s; we wish you a merry Christmas…now off with your head!

As if their favourite candidate isn’t questionable enough, they have a somewhat unusual way of voting too. The residents of the small African nation are to drop a marble into one of three coloured drums representing their president of choice. No need to worry though, they’ve hired people to listen out for anyone trying to multiple-vote. Well that sounds fool proof, I’ll sleep better tonight now.

The Guardian stated that the system was introduced in 1965 for a population with illiteracy rates topping 75%. The figures are currently at 55% after the president’s attempts to improve schools. Maybe if he tried a little harder they would be able to vote using ballot papers. Just saying.

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DIY Booty

If ever you wanted a literal definition of Junk in the Trunk read on, this is probably the closest you are ever going to get.

Forget forking out thousands of pounds on a plastic surgeon, if you’re looking for curves like Kardashian, take a trip to your local hardware store. This transgender booty queen injects a mixture of cement, oil, tyre sealant and super-glue into hers and her ‘patients’ buttocks for a quick enhancement. Some people really will go to extremes for their looks won’t they?

Follow this link for the shockingly hilarious images: ‘Buttock cement fixer’s bum deal’. I don’t know about you but a certain episode of my favourite cartoon immediately sprung to mind, see the resemblance?

                
                  Image sourced from http://www.unitedspongebob.com

The unlicensed medic is now facing charges after a woman suffered from pneumonia-like symptoms reported The Sun. Apparently shortly after the home-made procedure had taken place, “large welts” (lumps) appeared on her derriere. So it worked then?

What astounded me is that The Sun named the patient a victim. Apologies if I sound unsympathetic here, but if you pay around £450 to go into a strangers home and have them inject your arse with the best of B&Q stock what on Earth do you expect?

On the subject of titles, I feel the use of the term Butt Doctors (used to describe a network of these unlicensed surgeons) was the icing on the cake of this story. It almost sounds like one of those vulgar names an 18-year-old boy gets printed on the back of a t-shirt for a lad’s holiday to Magaluf.

Always one for trying new trends I thought I’d have a go at a DIY booty myself. Just a pillow and a piece of string for me though…No cement required.

          
             Does my bum look big in this..? I personally don’t feel I can pull off this look.

It seems quite a few people shared similar views. Queue the funny comments (courtesy of The Sun):

“Does my bum look big in this? My dear your bum looks big in everything”

“£450 for that? The CHEEK of it!”

“She tried to avoid prosecution, but police said they have a concrete case.”

Well someone was bound to say it: “Looks like my wife’s arse.”

  

Keep the one-liners rolling and share your thoughts!

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Anyone for a Toast Sandwich?

When I first saw the headline Toast Sandwich is UK’s Cheapest Meal on BBC News, I genuinely thought there had been a typo and that it was supposed to say toasted sandwich. It wasn’t until I had spent a good five minutes deliberating over how this was possible (toasted sandwiches usually involve cheese which comes in at a good few quid per block), that I read on and realised they genuinely meant a toast sandwich.

Aside from everything else that is so very wrong with this story, it pains me that the scientists at the Royal Society of Chemistry (RSC) are wasting their time trying to work out what the UK’s cheapest meal is in the first place. I know there’s a recession and all, but I can’t see the entire population deciding to save money by only ever eating one meal…especially when that meal is essentially a double-decker sandwich with no filling.

I personally found that the brilliance came from a few simple suggestions of how to make the sandwich better without breaking the bank. Some ideas included adding an egg or half a tin of sardines. So that’s basically a normal sandwich just with an extra piece of bread in it, right? Genius.

The recipe for the 330 calorie so-called meal is taken from ‘Mrs Beeton’s Book of Household Management’ and was recreated by a chef at the RSC on Wednesday, in celebration of the title’s 150^th anniversary. As a strong believer in not knocking something before you’ve tried it, I followed suit and tried my very own toast sandwich, following the original recipe:

• Toast a thin slice of bread.
• Butter two slices of bread and sprinkle with salt and pepper to taste.
• Place the toast between the two slices of bread-and-butter to form a sandwich.

  

My verdict: Tastes like bread. The salt and pepper makes you thirsty. I am a student who will happily welcome any money-saving ideas, but I can honestly say I will not be making this sandwich again.

Here is what some others thought of the toasted sandwich (comments taken from the BBC):

“Well I just tried this and it was the most boring, tasteless sandwich I’ve ever eaten!”

“Could I have a slightly more luxurious version, two slices of buttered toast with a piece of bread in between?”

And the award for best comment goes to…this guy: “Such extravagance! Stop all this toasting and save energy, and while you’re at it, cut out the butter, salt and pepper which is just going too far in the flavour department. Really, instead of just bread, economy pasta with a smidgen of sauce or garlic oil will give you a much more appetising meal for about the same cost; put the boiling water in a hot water bottle & turn of the heating.”

Give it a try and let me know what you think! Go on, I know you’re curious…

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Read all about it

Welcome to Bitter Sweet Weekly, I’m Leanne and in my world, all news is good news…to some extent.

Come here for a temporary escape from the real world. Let the news become your guilty pleasure and laugh along with me.

Pessimism was my inspiration. I flick through endless newspapers only to find page after page of bad news! So in a typically British fashion I have taken my sense of humour (and sarcasm) and will be looking at a variety of stories in a brand new light; one which I would like to share with you.

Perhaps this pointless headline “What a cutie! Katherine Heigl and Josh Kelley take their adorable daughter Naleigh for a drink stop on the way to the zoo” from the Daily Mail has caused me to raise a poorly plucked eyebrow. This week it was a group of stink bomb throwing OAPs in the Independent that had me giggling. All hale the classy birds who thought this painted a prettier picture of women than the Miss World pageant.

Before I get started however, I must clear something up. I’m a third year journalism student and am therefore respectful to the industry and do not intend by any means to cause offence to either you as readers or any of the parties involved in my posts. As a sensitive woman who gets distracted by sparkles, says ‘aww’ at kittens, and (occassionally) cries at chick-flicks, I have a pretty good idea of where that “line” is that everyone talks about and how not to cross it.

I hope that my slightly bitter take on the news is enough to make you smile sweetly and think, “perhaps it’s not all bad”!

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